Thursday, August 31, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 75

Moses, n., a person, usually male, who enjoys performing cunnilingus when the recipient is menstruating (comes from the idea that the Biblical Moses parted the Red Sea)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A Bad Day

Today was a bad day. Not that anything of terrible note happened, just felt like shit. In a last ditch effort to try and go to bed without crying, I decided to read the daily news. Like most people, hearing about the misery of others does wonders to cheer me up. Unfortunately, it only made things worse. I love living in Vegas; it has so much to offer and is such an awesome place. I feel so strongly that even when I travel I take some sort of pride in telling people that I'm from here. That is until I read this:

Mayor Declares Paris Hilton Day In LV

August 30, 2006 - Thousands of Paris Hilton fans crowded the Las Vegas Strip last night, to get a glimpse of the celebrity turned singer. Mayor Oscar Goodman declared yesterday "Paris Hilton Day" in Sin City, and comic Jeff Beacher arranged to have skywriters above the Strip, congratulating Paris on her new self-titled CD. Hilton attended a launch party that began at Beacher's new "Rockhouse" at the Imperial Palace, and ended across the street with an appearance at the Pure nightclub at Caesars Palace. A street festival to mark the event was held on the Strip. The first single from Paris' album "Stars are Blind," has reportedly done well. The next single will be "Turn It Up."

My day is complete.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Warren Jeffs Arrested!

The story of Warren Jeffs is full of shocking facts and accusations. Perhaps what's most shocking though are the details of his arrest. Jeffs was pulled over on the I-15 by a Nevada patrolman because his temporary tag wasn't easily readable. Maybe the national news media can be excused for their ignorance, but the local coverage is highly negligent for failing to comment on this. Everyone who lives in Las Vegas should know that license plates are optional! Just take a look around the next time you are driving and I guarantee at least 20% of the cars on the road have no license plate at all, and have you ever seen one of them stopped by police?! There's something fishy about this story, and I want to know why Jeffs was really pulled over by Trooper Kevin Honea. Just cause there's a white guy in nice car doesn't mean he's a criminal!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 74

cash in, v., to die

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Vegas Movies

Maybe it's cause I live here, but I'm a sucker for films that take place in Las Vegas. I've studied Casino, rewatched Vegas Vacation, and even made it to the end of 3,000 Miles to Graceland. That's right, I'll sit through just about any movie that takes place in Sin City, but today I had second thoughts.

At my local Hollywood Video I came across the straight-to-video winner Bachelor Party Vegas. I almost didn't see it but as I was walking down the aisle, I caught the bright yellow "Vegas" written in generic font in the corner of my eye.


Now if the cover art wasn't bad enought, you always know the movie is crap when on the back they list all the other movies the actors have been in. Follow this with the name of a film company that nobody's ever heard of, mystery critics who's only thoughts are "...hilarious...", and you know this film has to be a classic.

Normally I would've stopped there, left it sitting on the shelf, and never gave it a second thought. But then there was the tagline.

The purpose of a tagline is to quickly convey what the movie is about and implant itself into the minds of potential viewers. This is how movies are sold. Taglines should be unique and enticing. They should whet a viewer's appetite and leave them wanting or even needing to see the film. Some examples:

Jaws 2 - "Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water..."
Platoon - "The first casualty of war is innocence."
Independence Day - "Earth. Take a good look, it might be your last."
Silent Rage - "Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him."

The tagline for Bachelor Party Vegas: "This is one weekend they will never forget!" The exclamation point is theirs, not mine. Wow. Better still, I tried typing it into Google, and the only results I got were for Bachelor Party Vegas. Absolutely amazing. I had to rent it.

Don't expect a review or anything; I'm sure I've already given it more time than it deserves by sitting here writing this. But I had to share that tagline... "This is one weekend they will never forget!" I get chills. Really, I do.

*Anyways, to end on a higher note - a few other films, of varying worth, that were shot and take place in Vegas:
The Cooler
Diamonds are Forever
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Honeymoon in Vegas
Leaving Las Vegas
Ocean's 11
Showgirls
Viva Las Vegas

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 73

ten pinter, n., an unattractive person (as in you might consider sleeping with him/her, but only after you've had ten pints of beer)

Saturday, August 19, 2006

5 More Questions

Another long drive yesterday so I have some more questions. Please help out if you can.

1. Does smoking poison ivy have any harmful side effects?

2. Where does the soft drink 7-Up get its name from?

3. Is it illegal to film metally retarded persons having sex if they are over the age of 18 and you comply with Title 18 U.S.C. 2257?

4. What are some possible scientific explanations for the present condition of St. Bernadette's body?

5. Where do babies come from? (Okay, I know the answer to this one but I like to hear people talking about sex. It gives me a boner.)

(The picture in this post is of St. Bernadette.)

Monthly Call To Life - The Unauthorized, Unrelated Sequel

Trademarks are serious business. Imagine anyone being able to put a Nike Swoosh on their shoes and then selling the second rate product to the unsuspecting public. Or what if I made my own steak sauce and called it A1? I'd make a quick buck but there would be some disgruntled carnivores out there. Coca-Cola is "The Real Thing," Fox News is "Fair and Balanced," and MasterCard tells us "Don't leave home without it," but what if I want to describe my new cereal The Breakfast of Champions? I can't because that slogan belongs to Wheaties. All these phrases are protected by American copyright law to ensure fair business and advertising. A trademark is intellectual property that companies fight hard to protect and they hope will become synonomous with there product.

But there are limits to trademarks. I couldn't simply tradmark the term soda to describe my new soft drink for obvious reasons. In the past businesses have failed to trademark words like credit card or potato chip, again for obvious reasons. A trademark must be a unique term or phrase, not just a generic one.

A recognized trademark is noted by the little "TM" that follows it when it appears in print. This means the company has registered it with the Library of Congress Copyright Office and they own the sole right to reproduce it and use it in marketing their product. Which brings me to this picture:
If you look closely at the writing on this complimentary sanitary napkin disposal bag that I recently picked up at a motel I was staying at you'll notice that it is a "Fresh Scent" disposal bag. I assume that the "Fresh Scent" refers to the pleasant flowery smell that emanates from inside the bag. Ah, refreshing! Also notice the TM:
This bag is making the claim that the company producing it owns the phrase "Fresh Scent!" Keep this in mind the next time you describe something as having a "Fresh Scent" because you may be guilty of copyright infringement!! I would advise that if you absolutely need to say that something has a "Fresh Scent" then you should first contact the manufacturer and ask them for permission so you don't find yourself in court paying steep fines. Here are the owners:
Pretty surprising, huh? I never would've guessed that a phrase like that would be owned by some little company in small town Illinois. Or could they be lying?

And while we're on the subject of feminine hygiene, check out this vending machine:



Mmm, what a tasty treat! I admit I don't buy that many tampons but $1.50 for one seems a little bit expensive. An entire roll of toilet paper doesn't cost that much. Hell, the salami is only $.85 and there are two of them in the package. And who decided to put the salami right next to the tampons anyway? Kind of confusing.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 72

Canuck, n., Canadian (although it now refers to any Canadian, in the past [and to some extent still in New England and the eastern part of Canada] Canuck referred specifically to a French Canadien)

Is Canuck an offensive term? I had always assumed it was, so during my recent trip to British Columbia I met a few Canadians and asked them for their thoughts. They said that they were not offended being called Canucks and didn't believe that it was derogatory in any way, that it is a common American misconception that Canuck is offensive. As proof of its harmlessness, they informed me that there is even an NHL hockey team from Vancouver that is called the Canucks (click on it to go to their homepage if you don't believe me).

After some discussion, we realized that I, along with many other Americans, had come to think of Canuck as demeaning for two reasons: The first is obvious. It is offensive because of what it refers to - Canadians. What if someone called me a Canuck? Of course I'd be offended, downright pissed off, but that's because I'm not a fucking Canadian. Canadians, however, are Canadians. They are not ashamed so Canuck works for them.

The second reason Americans think Canuck might be offensive is because of its usual context. How often do we hear things such as: Those stupid Canucks need to get their own culture or How many damn Canucks does it take to screw in a light bulb or Celine Dion is a Canuck. Canuck by itself is not an offensive term. The only thing offensive about calling someone a Canuck is those adjectives that we usually put in front of it when talking about them. Next time instead of calling a Canadian a dirty Canuck or a good-for-nothing Canuck, just try Canuck by itself. You'll see how unoffensive it really is to them. And, if you're lucky, you just might make a new friend with access to OTC codeine.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

West Coast Trip

I finally made a trip up the west coast. Here are some pictures from it.

First, we had to make it out of Nevada. We took 95 up to Reno. Along the way we stopped in Goldfield to check out this amazing store:


Then we entered Bigfoot country in Willow Creek, California:


The next day we visited Redwood National Forest. There is a tree you can drive through if your car is small enough. Against A---'s advice, I attempt to drive her car through:


It took about five hours for the tow-truck people to get it out. The car was undrivable afterwards because the rear axel was bent.

In Oregon, our motel had a pool. However, I was very disappointed to learn that is was only open 3 hours a day.


After I talked to the lady at the front desk and expressed my displeasure, she assured me that 12pm means midnight. When I asked if this "12pm means midnight" was true for all of Oregon, she said no. She said that some of the eastern part of the state is in a different time zone so 12pm would mean 1am there. I didn't ask her any more questions.

In Washington, I visited Twin Peaks country.


Rather than retrace our steps, we decided to take a different route home. I learned that they have keno in Idaho, but it isn't quite as advanced:


I had to play at least one game, but I lost. I picked number 3. Damn, I never win.

Finally, we drove through Utah and I decided we should stop and check out some of the Mormon scenery. We visited the Brigham Young Lotus Temple. Much more exotic than I expected (Notice our rental car in the first picture):

Monday, August 14, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 71

Canadian highway, n., a secondary road, usually with only two lanes, that is heavily traveled, always congested, and the product of piss-poor planning

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 70

Tab soda, n., the drug 3,4 methylenedioxymethamphetamine, more commonly known as MDMA or ecstasy