Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Vegetarians want to kill quadriplegics!!!

Disclaimer: I eat meat.

I know quite a few vegetarians and it seems to me that there are three main reasons why a person chooses to become one:

1. They don't like the taste or texture of meat. (The least common one)
2. They care too much about animals to eat them.
3. A combination of both reasons. (Most common)

For those that fall under number 1, I can't say anything about that. I feel the same way about vegetables. The taste/texture just doesn't appeal to me so I stay away. But as for numbers 2 and 3, I take issue with that. Although I eat meat, I, too, care about animals. I care about all living things. Sure you've heard the whole plants are alive too argument before, but I think you've got to look at it from another angle. We should feel worse for the plants not because of some artificial ranking of worth or consciousness, but because of the simple fact that they can't move. Animals can run away; they have a sporting chance of not ending up on my plate. Vegetables, however, can't try and get away. They must simply accept their fate and die without a fight.

Let me put it in perspective. Let's pretend that you are a soldier. You come across two people while executing a top secret, ultra important mission that will determine the fate of the free world. In order to complete the mission, you must kill one of these people. Either one, it doesn't matter which, but one must die and you have no choice but to do it. The first person, Vegetable, can't walk and has no use of her arms. She begs you to spare her life, but she will put up no fight if you choose her. She can't. She has no strength to fight, only a will to live. The other person, Animal, spits in your face and dares you to kill him. He is trying hard to escape, and if he has the chance he'll kill you first. In fact, if you don't kill Animal, he will go off and kill other people, both vegetable and animal types, and prolong the war! But at the moment, the choice is yours. There is no way around it; one must die. Who do you choose, the poor, weeping Vegetable that poses no threat to you or anyone else in the world but just wants to live or the blood thirsty Animal that would kill you if he had the means?

I find that very sad and cannot bring myself to eat the poor, innocent lettuce and I hope you'll also reconsider. Let's go out for a burger together!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 64

butt me, phr., give me a cigarette (c. 1920 America)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 63

hardwood floors, n., the female pubic region when it is completely shaved or waxed

Thursday, June 15, 2006

My Life - The Funniest Moments (Part 1)

August 16, 1985 - My mom, my grandma, my aunt Amy, my cousin Mike, and I went to Elby's Big Boy after doing a little shopping in the mall. Near the end of the meal, an old guy entered the restaurant wearing a hat that read, "Old Fart." We all laughed except my grandma, who shook her head in disbelief. Mike and I continued to laugh the whole car ride home.

November 3, 1989 - I had a Yoo-Hoo chocolate drink in a can. After I shook it (like it says to), I opened it and it sprayed choclate drink all over my face and some got on my mom's curtains. She was mad at the time, but it didn't stain so the next day we were able to laugh about it.

June 18, 2005 - I went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Tropicana Cinemas. Before the film started, they made an announcement that Jonathan Adams (the actor who plays Dr. Scott in the movie) died earlier the week and they were dedicating that night's performance to his memory. When he made his appearance in the film and after everyone yelled "Great Scott," I yelled, "I thought you were dead!" There was a collective "Awww," someone said, "That's not cool," and silence followed for the next 30 seconds or so.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 62

Australian kiss or Aussie kiss, n., cunnilingus (British slang; comes from a combining of French kiss and down under)

Monday, June 12, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 61

dutch oven, n., a bedroom prank in which a person passes gas in bed and then pulls the covers up and over the head of his or her partner, forcing them to smell it

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Red Rock Station


I went to the new Red Rock Casino today.

I played keno.

And I lost.

Again.

Fuck.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Slang Project - Entry No. 60

Irish twins, n., pl., two children that are not actual twins but were born to the same mother within a 12 month period