1. Fill your underwear with Rice Krispies cereal.
2. Halfway through class pee your pants.*
3. If asked, explain that you have no idea why snaps, crackles, and pops are coming from your crotch, but it has been itchy down there lately and you recently had unprotected sex with a stranger.
*Works best during an intense exam or other time when the room is silent.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
TV's Educational Value!
Flipping through the channels and I saw a new commercial for Secret deodorant. Apparently they've reformulated with Secret Clinical Strength. The press release:
"New Secret® Clinical Strength is an antiperspirant clinically proven to provide prescription-strength wetness protection for the most demanding body chemistries. It contains a triple-action technology that provides three unique layers of protection."
I had no idea that there were prescription deodorants available but there really are! That is some pretty mind-blowing stuff. Somebody at the FDA had to sit down and decide that these deodorants were too intense for the general public and that only a doctor could give you permission to use them. I'm trying to imagine that doctor's visit.
Me: "Yeah, I have an appointment."
Receptionist: "What's the reason for your seeing doctor today?"
Me: "B.O."
Receptionist: "Would you please wait outside until doctor is ready to see you?"
More importantly thought, why is the prescription necessary? If used incorrectly, will your sweat glands sustain permanent damage? Is there a dependency issue where users start abusing the deodorant, putting it on three or even four times an hour? Can you smoke that shit and catch a buzz?
They definitely got my attention with their ad. I went to their website, read independent customer reviews, and even learned that it is aluminum free (yay!). Sounds very interesting and made me think about the deodorant I use. I pick stuff that smells good and has a colorful label. I never gave it much more thought than that. I think I'm going to have to pick up a stick of this stuff next time I'm out though. I'll change deodorants for a cheap high.
"New Secret® Clinical Strength is an antiperspirant clinically proven to provide prescription-strength wetness protection for the most demanding body chemistries. It contains a triple-action technology that provides three unique layers of protection."I had no idea that there were prescription deodorants available but there really are! That is some pretty mind-blowing stuff. Somebody at the FDA had to sit down and decide that these deodorants were too intense for the general public and that only a doctor could give you permission to use them. I'm trying to imagine that doctor's visit.
Me: "Yeah, I have an appointment."
Receptionist: "What's the reason for your seeing doctor today?"
Me: "B.O."
Receptionist: "Would you please wait outside until doctor is ready to see you?"
More importantly thought, why is the prescription necessary? If used incorrectly, will your sweat glands sustain permanent damage? Is there a dependency issue where users start abusing the deodorant, putting it on three or even four times an hour? Can you smoke that shit and catch a buzz?
They definitely got my attention with their ad. I went to their website, read independent customer reviews, and even learned that it is aluminum free (yay!). Sounds very interesting and made me think about the deodorant I use. I pick stuff that smells good and has a colorful label. I never gave it much more thought than that. I think I'm going to have to pick up a stick of this stuff next time I'm out though. I'll change deodorants for a cheap high.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Truth in Advertising
I went to a Chinese restaurant and got chopsticks.
The statement on the wrapper reminded me of my server.
Even the capitalization is way off.
The instructions on the back are direct and to the point:
Step number two (see arrow) is especially helpful.
The statement on the wrapper reminded me of my server.
Even the capitalization is way off.
The instructions on the back are direct and to the point:
Step number two (see arrow) is especially helpful.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Slang Project - Entry No. 87
loading the dishwasher, phr., getting one's wife or live-in girlfriend drunk
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Slang Project - Entry No. 86
got a lawn, phr., a phrase used to describe a person who has bought into suburban, middle-class life and/or has chosen to be a responsible adult at the expense of having fun
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Chicken of the Sea
I love Hamburger Helper! As I was cleaning out the cupboards yesterday, I found a large stash of Hamburger Helpers and the like tucked away in the corner, so for dinner tonight I made Tuna Helper.
As I was cooking, I got to thinking about the last time I had Tuna Helper. It's been quite awhile. I used to love Tuna Helper: it's much easier and cheaper to make than Hamburger or Chicken Helper but I would guess I haven't had Tuna Helper since I moved to Vegas. Really?
I thought about it and realized that I was correct, and in fact I haven't had any tuna products since I moved to Vegas. Why was that? I couldn't think of a reason for it. Tuna is so easy to prepare, it's healthy, and it never goes bad. Do they stock it in a strange aisle here? Is it hard to get in the desert? Did I forget it existed?
As I sat down to eat, the first bite quickly reminded me. I gave up on tuna a while ago. Tuna just hasn't tasted as good since they made it "Dolphin Safe." Why do they got to go and change a good thing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
As I was cooking, I got to thinking about the last time I had Tuna Helper. It's been quite awhile. I used to love Tuna Helper: it's much easier and cheaper to make than Hamburger or Chicken Helper but I would guess I haven't had Tuna Helper since I moved to Vegas. Really?I thought about it and realized that I was correct, and in fact I haven't had any tuna products since I moved to Vegas. Why was that? I couldn't think of a reason for it. Tuna is so easy to prepare, it's healthy, and it never goes bad. Do they stock it in a strange aisle here? Is it hard to get in the desert? Did I forget it existed?
As I sat down to eat, the first bite quickly reminded me. I gave up on tuna a while ago. Tuna just hasn't tasted as good since they made it "Dolphin Safe." Why do they got to go and change a good thing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.