Monday, July 31, 2006

To Do Before I Die - No. 28

A lot of people that I know who have cats keep the litter box in the bathroom. This makes perfect sense to me; let's keep all waste in the same place. It's also convenient in keeping offensive smells, animal and human, trapped in one room rather than floating throughout the house. Please note that there is no sarcasm in my voice, and as you read on, you'll realize that I really wish everyone did this as it would afford me more opportunities to fulfill my wish.

Someday before I die, I want to go to a party where the host has a litter box in the bathroom. When no one is looking, I'll slip inside, turn on the fan, and lock the door behind me. Then, rather than use the toilet, I will take a shit in the litter box. Hopefully this will all happen quickly so that I can also slip out unnoticed and rejoin the partying.

Later in the evening, I will hope for someone to say something. If no one gets drunk enough to point it out, I'll have to do it myself.

"Say Chuck, I was just in your bathroom. How big is your cat?"

"What do you mean, Brett?"

"There's an awfully big turd in that litter box. It must not be a kitten."

Then the whole party will move to the bathroom to look. They'll say, "Wow, Chuck! Brett's right. I hope your cat's not loose in the house anywhere." or "Holy Mary Mother of God! What do you feed that thing?"

I always wanted to be at a party where my shit was the center of attention. This would afford me that opportunity without any of the embarassment that would go along with me shitting my pants or the anger that would come with me taking a dump on the host's couch. As an added bonus, any cat owner can attest to the fact that clean-up would also be a snap.

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