Slang Project - Entry No. 58

white hair, n., an elderly person (usually meant as a derogatory term)

Slang Project - Entry No. 57

taxed, adj., overpriced; too expensive

The 420 Conspiracy

Yesterday, that is April 20 (4/20), the FDA released a statement saying that there is absolutely no medical benefit from using marijuana. This contradicts the famous 1999 study that found to the contrary, but I guess that just needs to be ignored now. No new evidence or studies have been cited. Of course, the news returns the spotlight to controversial medical marijuana laws across the nation.

Medicinal marijuana is most often prescibed as a pain reliever. Doesn't work, says the FDA. Keep in mind that the FDA is the same organization that okayed the use of Vioxx for pain relief. Over 11,500 lawsuits are pending against Merck, the makers of Vioxx, because the drug causes an increased risk in cardiovascular events such as heart attack and strokes, but the FDA did not pull Vioxx from the market; Merck did in order to protect their own interests. Believe it or not, Vioxx is still an FDA approved drug for pain relief. Who are you going to trust with your health?

Slang Project - Entry No. 56

rice queen, n., a male homosexual who is attracted to Asian men

i before e

I before E
except after C

That is the rule the way I learned it back in third or fourth grade, but as I've been pointing out in my blog, there are so many exceptions that I believe it should be scrapped from the spelling curriculum.

Now I know that my two readers will find this hard to believe, but the rule has its defenders. The most common defense that I come across is that I'm not quoting the complete rule. Maybe they've modified it since I left elementary school because some people claim that this is the way the rule actually goes:

I before E
except after C
or when it sounds like an A as in "neighbor" and "weigh".

How nice! It still rhymes, and that does take care of beige, eight, and reindeer, but what about atheist, herein, and tiptoeing?

Here the defenders pull out the first amendment and give me a look that says I should have already know that the rule only applies to digraphs. (Definition of digraph from Dictionary.com - A pair of letters representing a single speech sound, such as the ph in pheasant or the ea in beat.) This eliminates words like being, deity, and science but then I ask what about words like Budweiser, vacancies, and weird.

A few more amendments are added. In reference to Budweiser, Frankenstein, and Neil - just like in Scrabble, names do not count. It also does not apply to plural "es" words as is the case for agencies, currencies, and vacancies. And for weird we get the weirdest rule of all: I before E only works when the ie makes a long e sound as in piece or believe.

When I ask about caffeine, conscience, seize, or sheik, I inevitably get the response, Why don't you get a life, asshole?

But instead of getting a life I decided to start a list of the words that violate the rule. Below you will a find my exceptions where E comes before I and it's not after C.

absenteeism
ageing
ageism
agreeing
albeit
apartheid
atheism
atheist
beige
being
Budweiser
caffeine
canoeing
codeine
counterfeit
cuneiform
decaffeinated
deify
deionize
deist
deity
deign
dreidel
dyeing
Eiffel TowerEinstein
eight
either
eyeing
Fahrenheit
feign
feint
feisty
fleeing
foreign
forfeit
Frankenstein
freeing
freight
geisha
Guggenheim
heifer
heigh-ho
height
Heineken
Heinz
heir
heist
herein
hoeing
Hussein, Saddam
kaleidoscope
keister
Keith
kneeing
Leigh
leister
leisure
leitmotiv
meiosis
monotheism
neigh
neighbor
neighborhood
Neil
neither
nuclei
obeisance
onomatopoeia
pantheism
peeing
plebeian
poltergeist
polytheism
preindustrial
protein
reimburse
reimbursement
rein
reincarnation
reincorporate
reindeer
reindustrialize
reinforce
reinstate
reinstruct
reinvigorate
reissue
reiterate
rottweiler
seeing
seismic
seize
seizure
Sergei Eisenstein
sheik
sheila
shoeing
singeing
sleigh
sovereign
stein
Steinbeck, John
surfeit
surveillance
their
theism
therein
tiptoeing
veil
vein
weigh
weight
Weiner
weird
Weirton
wherein
zeitgeist

That's a bunch of words and I tried to avoid using other forms of a root word (eighteen, eighty) or pluralization (heifers, veins) in order to not artificially inflate the number. I also kept the names to a minimum, only the most commonly used.

During my research, I also came across some words that are exceptions but I don't what they mean and I've never used them. I'll include some:


buddleia, caducei, casein, deice, eider, eiderdown, eidetic, eidolon, enceinte, glutei, jadeite, monteith, mullein, peignoir, phenolphthalein, phthalein, reveille, weir

These are real words though. Copy and paste them into Word and you'll see that they pass the spellchecker.


Don't forget the second part of the rule! Here are some except after C exceptions:

ancient
agencies
coefficient
concierge
conscience
currencies
deficiency
deficient
delicacies
efficient
emergencies
fallacies
fancied
fancies
financier
glacier
hacienda
intimacies
juicier
nescient
omniscience
omniscient
pharmacies
piracies
policies
pregnancies
prescience
prescient
pricier
proficient
racier
science
scientific
scientist
societal
society
species
sufficiency
sufficient
tendencies
unscientific
urgencies
vacancies

Again in order not to inflate the numbers, I've excluded a lot of words with the same roots (efficiently, inefficient, neuroscience) and plurals (ancients, scientists) except where the plural form causes the exception (agency vs. agencies). In these instances, I've just given a small sampling because every word that ends in -cy breaks the rule when made plural (democracies, inconsistencies, etc.) and to include them all would more than quadruple the number if -cie- words I've listed.

Below, I've pulled out a few words to defend their inclusion because I anticipate some resistance.

Budweiser - It may be a German name but its America's number 1 selling beer!
Fahrenheit - Isn't the US the only country that hasn't switched to Celsius?
Frankenstein - The English classic.
heigh-ho - Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs
Heinz - This is America's favorite catsup.
hoeing - Thats the real spelling!
Hussein, Saddam - Is he on trial for WMD or because of the way his name is spelled?
Sergei Eisenstein - A Russian film pioneer who violates the rule three times in his name!
sheila - Aside from being a name (Sheila) , the Crocodile Hunter and other Australians use this as slang when referring to a sexy female.
Weirton - A town here in the US where I once lived.

The I before E rule needs thrown out on its keister! I rest my case. Any objections?


*AdditionsApril 20: I've been diving deep into literary theory lately and came across a few terms that also break the rule. Sure, you probably won't be using them any time soon but here they are: eidyllion (another term for an idyll), Eisteddfod (a form of contest at which literary, musical, and dramatic works are presented; from Welsh literary history), Geistesgeschichte (spirit / mind history), geisteliche Tageweise (a type of German medieval song), & Heimkehrerliteratur (returning home literature - from post WWII Germany).

Slang Project - Entry No. 55

whiskey dick, n., temporary impotence caused by excessive alcohol consumption

NIN

Yes, I was there. Yes, it totally kicked ass. And yes, the guy in front of me threw up all over himself but still stayed to the very end of the show. Rock 'n' Roll.

*If you look closely at the ticket you'll notice on the right-hand side it says, "No exchange except as provided herein. No refunds. No reentry." "Herein" is another word that breaks the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule. I'm not making this stuff up!

Agnes of God

Two nuns walk into a psychiatrist's office... Sounds like the beginning to a great joke, doesn't it? This play's not a comedy, but I can't help snickering at the possibilities.

Changing the tone abruptly: The play's about a young nun who was discovered soaked in blood and passed out in her room after giving birth to a baby and strangling it to death with its umbilical cord. She's on trial for murder and must meet with a court appointed psychiatrist to determine her sanity. Her over-protective Mother Superior accompanies her to these meetings with the (of course) atheist* doctor and all three try to come to terms with the atrocity that has occured (while having more discussions about menstruation than an issue of YM). Heavy stuff (no pun intended), but not half as tedious as it may sound. Aside from a few cliched lines and one or two predictable moments, it's a really great play that's intensly engaging but not necessarily cerebral. (lol) It's a strange breed that, although dealing with the question of God, doesn't come off as pro-religion or anti-religion. It takes us somewhere into the gulf that exists between devout Christians and devout atheists. Call it reality with a little more thought put into it.

The lowdown on this particular production: Two of the actors give impeccable performances while the third leaves something to be desired (and that's being polite about it). I won't give names but the third that I'm referring to happens to be married to the director. (That explains a few things.) Anyone ever heard of a conflict of interest?

* "i" before "e" rule exception above. Notice the spelling of "atheist."

Slang Project - Entry No. 54

AC/DC, adj., bisexual (sometimes written as AC-DC)

Slang Project - Entry No. 53

hi-5, n., HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)

Take Me Out

I haven't been to a play in while so part of me was ready to like anything that would be thrown at me but I can honestly say that I really enjoyed Take Me Out. It's a Tony Award Winning play about a famous baseball player who, at the height* of his fame, reveals that he is gay. It's a strange mixture of comedy and melodrama that is awkward at times but works for the most part. It's also one of that rare breed of gay-themed plays that doesn't nosedive into an AIDS message. In fact, AIDS is not mentioned at all. But I'm not going to go through and give it a review because I've got a friend who's going to do that (and much better than I could do anyhow). However, I did want to point something out; the last time I went to the theatre was a few months ago and the similarites between tonight and that experience are a bit uncanny:

1. Both plays were at the Las Vegas Little Theatre.
2. Both plays revolved around gay themes.
3. At both plays, the audience was largely male.
4. I was invited by and accompanied by K---- to both plays.
5. Both plays had copious, and I mean copious, amounts of full frontal male nudity.

I'm not making any inferences by this; I'm just putting it out there. It seems that it must mean something though.


* Notice that "height" does not follow the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule.

Slang Project - Entry No. 52

yinz, pron., a plural form of you (Pittsburgh slang; from a combining of "you" and "ones")

Slang Project - Entry No. 51

paisley shower, n., a quick cleaning in which a person does not have the time or ability to wash their entire body so they simply use a sink to wash their armpits and possibly genital region in order to "freshen up"

Slang Project - Entry No. 50

bullet proof, adj., term used to describe a woman who has had a tubal ligation (her tubes tied) and therefore has no chance of becoming pregnant

Taco Bell

I went to Taco Bell for lunch today and was surprised by what I found on the table when I sat down to eat. Check it out:


Advertising for employment is common. I'm not that surpirsed. They've got to fill in the ranks so I can get my gorditas in a timely manner. But read the last line. "Fill out application on back & give it to manager."

Sure enough, when I turned the paper over, I saw this:


That's right, there's the whole application right before your eyes. Three lousy questions and your schedule! Now I don't think anyone would assume Taco Bell is brain surgery and judging from some of the people who've waited on me over the years, it can't be too tough to get a job there but this isn't an application to jockey the register or make crunchy chalupas. Check out the top. This is the Management Application!

The sad part is I'm willing to bet my year's earnings that they make more than me and I don't even get the discounted meals. I'm seriously considering changing careers. Any advice? Do you want mild, hot, or fire sauce with that?

Slang Project - Entry No. 49

double decker, n., a bathroom prank where a person moves his or her bowels into the back tank portion of a toilet so that when the toilet is later flushed, a pungent brown water refills the bowl